Facing Your Fears - Pt 2

 
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Learning to recognise

The Voice Of Fear

Remember Part 1's post and how I referred to many of us feeling stuck in the glass box? Well, that glass box (majority of the time) is actually the limitations we’ve set around ourselves. No one has that much power and control over us to direct our choices, beliefs and decisions. Along the way we learn behaviours and build value systems that contribute to our way of thinking and eventually we reach a point where what we believe to be true has more power over us than the actual truth itself. This is exactly how fear gets to us - it all starts in the mind and it has a way of convincing you that it’s the truth. But Fear is a liar, it’s an illusion and it will take us out of the game if we aren’t prepared to handle those thoughts and feelings when they come.

Fear spoke to me in 3 main ways:

1. “You’re going to fail.”

2. “Even if you do step out, you’ll probably make the wrong choice.”

3. “Are you really good enough for that anyway?”

If there is one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that fear tries to do three things: it attacks our identity, our destiny and our ability. Why? Because Fear knows, and yes I refer to it as a person, that if we are secure, confident and assured of who we are and what we can do, then we will be unstoppable. 

Sometimes in order for us to understand what fear is, we need to turn our attention to what fear isn’t. When we start to recognise the voice and feelings of fear, it will be much easier to silence or ignore the voice of fear altogether when it starts to creep up on us.

 

Fear is not your friend.

Havilah Cunnington, one of my all-time favourite speakers coined this term at a young adults leadership conference a couple years back: “If you don’t look at fear as your enemy, it will one day defeat you.” What a powerful statement. One I’m sure we’ve not stopped to think about before. When I think about this statement my mind immediately takes me to a soccer match. I am the forward going in to score the goal, which is my purpose metaphorically, and fear is the defender of the goal posts - there is often two or three of them. The defender’s one and only mission is to stop you getting through their line of defence and keep you from scoring the goal, because if you get past them, then your chance of scoring is much, much higher. Fear want’s to stop you from reaching the goal. It is hell-bent on making sure you stay small, blocked and restrained from any possibility of reaching your dreams or discovering your purpose and worth. When we start to have this mentality that fear is not our friend and we are striker of the game - breaking through enemy lines to reach our goal, we will be in a stronger position to fight the feelings of fear when they come.

 

Fear is not your comforter

Often at times fear will start to rise when we are about to step into something that’s uncomfortable or challenging. You may be met with feelings of anxiety, stress, overwhelm or pressure. This is completely normal but fear will usually try to hitch a ride on the back of these emotions and blow them out of proportion, to the point where you feel that what you originally planned on doing wasn’t a good idea and thus make you think it’s safe to stay exactly where you are. Fear disguises itself as a comfortable place. A place where you’ll be ‘safe’ and not have to worry about the ‘hard stuff’. This in effect is crippling and keeps you in stuck-mode. Although you may feel from time to time that it’s easier to stay this way, you also feel trapped.

 

Fear is not your protector

When I’m afraid or nervous about doing something my initial thoughts are to retreat , run and hide for cover. This is an act of fear. Fear will try to keep you locked down. It poses as a protective mechanism but what really happens, on a subconscious level, is that fear tells you you will never be able to survive or do well if you really take a leap and go for it. It makes you feel incapable, not good enough, smart enough, whatever enough.

 

I know these feelings all too well. Before I started this blog and my journey to becoming a Life Coach, I was so full of fear - but I didn’t know it. I hid behind the mask of comfort and protection so I could feel like I was being smart, responsible, safe. But slowly and surely, adventure was knocking at my door. I just could not shake what I wanted to do and I knew it wasn’t going to be the so-called traditional path which freaked me out even more because I had nobody to look to. I couldn’t see anyone around me that was doing the things I wanted to do, which made me feel like I was alone - but I wasn’t. We are never alone. Even though there may not be people in our lives that are creating the exact same path as we are, there are people in your world that will ‘get it’ and they’ll have a passion for your vision. Stay with those people, because they will be some of the ones who will help you at your hardest hour.

 

Once I realised how fear spoke to me it was a lot easier to deny its power and control over my decisions. As once I learned that fear is the enemy to my destiny, I learned quickly not to believe it’s outrageous statements over my life. As I said earlier, fear spoke to me in 3 main ways:

1. “You’re going to fail.”

2. “Even if you do step out you’ll probably make the wrong choice.”

3. “Are you really good enough for that anyway?”

 

Now instead of believing the lies, I have a comeback:

  1. Nothing is impossible. My God is with me and He never fails.

  2. Everything is worked together to serve a purpose. There are no mistakes in life.

  3. I was created on purpose for a purpose. Being born is proof enough that I have something to give.

 

I love what the dictionary has to say about courage; the ability to do something that frightens one. It gives me hope because being courageous is not about being fearless. We all get a little scared sometimes but it’s the ability to act out in courage despite the feelings of fear. As Walt Disney said “All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Learn how fear talks to you. What does it say? When does it speak? How does it make you feel? I encourage you write it down and then write a new page declaring the truth over the matter. What would Love say to you instead of Fear?  Focus on what you CAN do instead of listening to the lies of what you can’t do. My dear, you can truly to do anything - with enough passion and perseverance.

What does Fear try to say to you?