Photo by Linda Truong Photography
The major question on every woman's lips when things start getting serious. A phrase that gets thrown around a lot in Hollywood and well, basically anywhere. Is there a real answer to this question? Is this a myth? Maybe it's all gut-feeling and so called intuition. Whatever it is, let me give you some hard earned wisdom and truth I have learned on the subject.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'THE ONE'.
There. I've said it. Let me relieve you of a lot of stress and self-added pressure by saying there is more than one man out there for you.
Let me put it this way; If there was only one person you were supposed to marry in your life, what happens if that person goes and marries someone else? You then never find your soulmate and your supposed 'Number One' guy has just ruined it for the rest of the world because he married someone else's soulmate and then that person with have to marry someones soulmate and so on and you get the point?
Truth is there are many men to choose from.
YOU KNOW IF HE'S 'THE ONE' IF YOU CHOOSE HIM TO BE SO.
Relationships is all about choice. From family relationships to friends to marriage. Everything you do, say and agree to comes down to a choice you alone made. The man you marry will based on a choice you decided to make for yourself. It won't be out of obligation or pressure but because you chose him to yours. If I didn't make it clear enough let me say it again; who you choose is the who will be 'The One' for you.
To help you make that choice however I believe there is a few qualities and things that need to be up for discussion. Sadly too many girls are rushing into relationships only to get their heart broken or question their own identity over some guy that didn't handle their heart with the utmost care and respect.
I think it's time for us girls to be a little more responsible with our hearts.
We need to take to time to get to know someone before we start planning our Pinterest wedding boards. We need to start treating our hearts as thought they are locked in a treasure chest guarded by many gates. And ladies let me just say, not everyone in your life will get through all the gates. Learn to protect yourself.
So although I don't know what your list of 'The Perfect Man' looks like. I do believe there are three main things you need to consider before you start embarking on the journey of that idea.
These very three questions were asked of me when I was going through a phase of doubt. Ryan and I had discussed the idea of marriage and I was keen... but I wasn't sure. Everything seemed to line up but something held me back from making a decision. Whether is was fear or nerves I knew it had to be settle. So I hope this settles you too.
Photo by Linda Truong Photography
1. Does he love God?
What are his core values? What shapes and motivates him? How deep is his connection to his faith? Maybe this is not applicable for you but definitely something to know and think about before you jump in further.
For my God-loving girls out there, this is a big one. Consider this your the highest core value of your life. If his doesn't match that, you are both starting this relationship on a major imbalance. Consider the cost as someone will always have to pay the price.
2. Does he respect you?
This seems like a no-brainer but seriously, don't date a douche! Understand your worth and value and don't settle for anything less. Here are some ways to know he is disrespectful:
- He doesn't take interests in your world or interests.
- He sees you at random times and days (late nights, only on weekend, early mornings).
- He hardly makes time to see your friends or family.
- You almost always split the bill or end up paying in full.
- He makes little to no effort.
- He doesn't respond well to conflict and often disengages.
- He puts more emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship and neglects the emotional and mental.
3. Are you both heading in a similar direction?
Something you want to be sure of is that you are both heading in the same direction in terms of your dreams and career. You want to compliment each other not complicated one another. If you want to pursue a career in acting and he wants to move to Africa and work on the mission field you may want to think about what your futures looks like! I'm not saying that you both need to be working the exact same job but just make sure you have similar vision for the future.
Some other things you may want to consider when choosing him might be:
- What do your friends and family think about him?
- How does he treat you in front of his friends?
- Can you be yourself around him?
- Is he kind and honest?
- Do you both encourage each other to be better people?
- Are you emotional and mentally mature to take on a relationship right now?
- Do have fun together?
Marriage isn't just a choice. It's choosing the same person a million times. - Danny Silk